Being a parent is a tough gig. No one is more critical of the job that we are doing than us on ourselves. Ok, maybe add our mother-in-laws, and our own mothers. Actually, add in our spouses too, and the pet dog, you know what, add in everyone.
The thing is… most people feel entitled to voice an opinion about other people. Now when I say voice, it doesn’t need to be verbal, it can be written and it can be simply by our body language.
Why do we look at fellow human beings and judge?
Why do we look at fellow human beings and get jealous?
Why do we look at fellow human beings and criticise?
Since becoming a parent, I’ve felt these sorts of feelings towards me a lot and it perplexes me.
Hearing things like “your kids mustn’t even know who you are because you work away so much” or “who looks after your kids when you work” is a pretty hurtful thing to say to a working mother, it’s pretty rare to hear a working father be asked these types of questions. But saying that to any parent who has to work away is just rubbing salt into a wound that they already know is there.
Or things like “it must be nice not having to work and look after the kids” WTF?! I take my hat off to the parent that stays home to look after young children and looks after the household, that is way harder than going to work every day.
Parents get judged for everything from what they feed their kids, to what they let their kids do, to what health choices they make to what work choices they make, to what school and after school activities they do, to where they live, to the colour of their kids poo.
I’m so scared of being judged by other mums that it makes me down play my life when they ask what I do for a living.
It’s seriously messed up.
We as parents need to band together.
We need to stop judging those inside our own walls, and we need to stop judging those outside our walls and show empathy, love, support and kindness instead.
If you were in a third world country, would you look down at a family who lived in a mud hut?
If you were in the presence of the Queen and in her palace, would you be jealous?
I’d answer no to both of the above questions. Why? Because I’d feel that the third world family is doing the best they can with what they have and what they know, and the Queen would I be jealous? Hell no! That lady well and truly deserves her place at the throne, she has sacrificed her life and works hard to be the Queen. In my opinion, we are only jealous of people if we feel that they don’t deserve what they have, that we deserve it more and that’s a pretty big statement to make. Take a moment to really think about anyone you are having jealousy towards and I bet that is the underlying issue.
The thing is… Parenting is hard work and every family is different. Being a person is hard work, and everyone is also different.
We need to stop judging.
We need to stop being jealous.
We need to stop criticising.
And we need to band together.
The bottom line is, every family is trying to do the best they know how, the best they can, and the best with what resources they have.
So when you want to judge, show empathy.
When you feel jealous, give accolades to that person and strive to get what you want.
When you want to criticise, stop, think and speak as a teacher from the heart with love, support and kindness and help that person.
Your words and actions can either harm or help people, the choice is yours.
Bree.
