Parenting is the process of raising and nurturing a child from infancy to adulthood. It involves a wide range of responsibilities, from meeting a child’s basic needs for food, shelter and safety, to providing emotional support, guidance and education. Effective parenting involves a combination of love, patience, empathy, discipline and good communication skills. Parents must also adapt to the changing needs of their children as they grow and develop, from infancy to adolescence and beyond. Parenting can be challenging, but it can also be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences in life, as it helps shape the next generation of individuals who will contribute to society. With that in mind, we asked 11 of our favourite parenting experts from around the globe who have been a part of PakMag over the years to share their best pieces of parenting advice. Here’s what they had to share.
Dr. Maggie Dent
Author, educator, and parenting and resilience specialist with a particular interest in the early years and adolescence.
We all have those tough parenting moments. Whether they are 5 or 15, our children push our buttons. You’re not a lousy parent if you occasionally lose the plot – shouting, maybe slamming a door, locking yourself in the toilet wondering why you thought parenting was a good idea. It’s OK. Nobody’s perfect and actually, all our kids need is for us to be ‘good-enough’ parents anyway.
From our child’s perspective, when they’re dysregulated, they need us to help them regulate until they learn the fine art of self-regulation.It’s hard for kids (and for us). Regulating our emotions when we’re chronically sleep-deprived and in fight or flight is hard. Like our children,
Parents
we’re flooded with cortisol and so accessing our prefrontal cortex can feel impossible.
So what can we do to show up more regulated, more often? I have a simple strategy I use called the parental pause. It will help you not only in the tricky times, but building these regulation skills in advance means you’re more likely to be able to access them when you need them. Here’s how it works.
1. Pause. Ground your feet.
2. Gently bend your knees.
3. Place your hand on your heart.
4. Take 1 – 3 deep breaths.
5. Slowly stand close by or kneel near your child. Be present. Be still. Observe the world calmly through your child’s eyes. Inwardly repeat: “My child is not bad – they’re struggling to cope. Let me be what they need right now – a safe base.”
Dr Justin Coulson
Parenting expert, author, co-host of Channel Nine’s Parental Guidance, podcast host and proud father and husband.
More than almost anything, children feel our love when we invite them into our world and let them spend time with us there. Or, when we enter their world and spend time with them, there. One of my favourite parenting quotes is this:
To a child, love is spelled T – I – M – E.
It is a simple lesson. This is a reminder. Tonight (or now), pull yourself away from the screen, look into your children’s eyes, and tell them that you love them more than anything. Then walk together, play together, ride a bike together, make something, cook something, experiment or just ‘be’ together. Whether your kids are 2 months, 2 years, 12 years, or 22 years, it’s a universal need. Give them your time. Do it now. Try it. It will change their day and yours. It might even change your life.
Dr. Mark Williams
Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at Macquarie University with more than 20 years of experience in research, teaching and 70+ publications.
The greatest gift you can give your child is your time and your undivided attention. In this busy world, we often forget how important it is to stop and appreciate what we have and spend downtime with each other.
With all the activities and programs available for kids these days it is easy to assume that they are getting what they need when what they need most is us. The number one indicator of the success of a child at school is their parents’ involvement in and support of the student’s academic progress and achievements. The best indicator of a child’s
positive emotional development is their parents’ own emotional awareness and empathic responses. The best indicator of the resilience and fortitude of a child in later life is the positive relationship they have with their parents.
Sit down, look your child in the eyes and ask them how they are feeling every morning and every evening. Wait and listen to their response and then respond in an empathic way so that they understand that you listened, you heard and you understand how they are feeling. Do this in a quiet room away from any mobile devices so they do not distract you or your child. It is the greatest gift you can give.
Dr Rosina McAlpline
CEO and Creator of the Win Win Parenting Program.
In the busyness of life, we can lose sight of the most important things. Ask any parent with adult children and they’ll say “it went too fast!”. Unfortunately, you can’t get those years back. So, no matter where you are on your parenting journey, you can prioritise what matters most – enjoying quality time with your child(ren). With a little imagination, a little planning and not much time – you can create loving family memories that last a lifetime.
Here are some of our family rituals to inspire you: A Sunday morning bike ride, breakfast at the café, sharing highlights at dinner, watching a movie together and walking the dogs. My favourite ritual is our family’s
annual “fake” birthday celebration. It started when our young son said “Mum I have to wait right to the end of the year for my birthday – everyone else gets their birthday sooner.” Too cute right?
So, I suggested we have a fake birthday for him in the middle of the year. Now he’s a teenager – it’s a family fake birthday on or around June 30 with cake, a special dinner, and a gift. We even sing “Happy fake birthday to you!”.
What family rituals and traditions are you going to enjoy?
Dr Robyn Miller
Medical doctor and founder of The Mental Load Project. Find out how you can share the mental load at.
The number one issue I see mothers facing now is the mental load – and all the exhaustion, resentment and overwhelm it brings. Women are socially conditioned to automatically take on invisible, emotional labour. We become exceptionally good at this – always thinking ahead, planning and preparing things to make everyone around us feel at ease and keep things running smoothly.
The problem is all this work comes at a cost. It costs us time, energy, mental capacity and well-being.
From the moment women enter heterosexual relationships, we take on most of the mental load. And as we keep doing it, we become more efficient, and those around us (namely our partners) end up relying on this efficiency and skill.
If we want equality in the workplace and society at large, we have to achieve equality at home. We have to learn to give up some of the mental load, allow our partners space and time to take on their fair share, and be patient as they learn to become as efficient and skilled at the invisible labour as we are (after how many decades of practice?!).
Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen. There is nothing biological that makes women more capable of managing the mental load – it is just practice and experience. By allowing our partners this practice and experience, we can achieve equality in our relationships, model this shared responsibility for our children and ultimately promote equality at all levels of society for generations to come.
Julia Knowland
Relationship Therapist and founder of Whole Heart Relationships, Julia specialises in helping couples prioritise their relationship and strengthen their love.
Recently I was reading a parenting communication book and it dawned on me that all the key takeaways were the same points I give couples but in a beautiful and simplistic way. It went a little like this – When your child has a problem, concern, or complaint, zip your lips to stop yourself from lecturing, criticising or being defensive. Think about the emotion behind their issue and put it in a sentence. “Oh, it’s so frustrating when I lose my keys too!”
Now imagine the same advice but for your partner. You see, the main premise behind this takeaway is that if you don’t attend to the child’s feelings first, you have little chance of them wanting to cooperate. Then we’re left with nothing but needing to up the ante and become a little more forceful. It’s the same for your partner as well. Without attending to the emotion behind their complaint, there’s little chance they’re going to want to move their stance.
Think about it, how would you feel if someone responded to you losing your keys with “Well, how many times have I told you to put them in the drawer at the front”?
Attend to the feelings first. You’ve got this.
Claire Orange
Author, mum and parent educator who knows wellbeing matters.
Parenting – it’s a bit like our own Survivor reality show. Outwit. Outlast. Outplay. In all the years of parenting that I’ve loved my boys through, this is what I’d go back and tell myself if I had a do-over, and I hope it lands in your heart too.
Love the child you’ve got, not the one you imagined (If you have a partner, you’ll have some reasonable practice already). I mean just deeply love them and all their beautiful, gorgeous, frustrating uniqueness and never try and shape them into something they’re not. (Let’s ban ‘Mini-me’ from our vocabs forever!)
Stop caring about whose baby walked, rolled or read first. Turn off your socials if that’s all you see
and invest yourself only in celebrating your child’s development.
Always trust your instincts – you know your child best. Never be told not to worry if you ‘know’ something’s not right.
“The most important jewels I’ll wear around my neck are my child’s arms.” My parenting mantra always reminded me about connection before correction. It reminded me that I was a powerful influence and protector in my child’s life. You can let it be yours too.
Dr John Demartini
Human Behavior Expert, Polymath and Internationally Published Author.
Everybody has a set of unique highest values and priorities in their life, regardless of their age. When your children can express those values, their genius is born, their energy rises, their creativity emerges and their confidence grows with every step.
Finding out what that is, is crucial, as is giving them permission to go and be that. It is wise to permit yourself to love your child enough to find out what they value, and respect them enough to communicate whatever you think will help them in terms of their values while also following their lead.
This is wiser than squashing or suppressing their creativity by forcing them to be someone they’re not. Allow them to express their natural genius and prepare to let your mind be blown by who they grow to be and what they achieve.
Immediate gratifying, compulsive, impulsive, addictive behaviours are compensations for unfulfilled, highest values. When you get your child to focus on what’s important to them, they will likely become engaged and inspired. This works for all people, not just children. If you are unclear about your child’s highest values, spend time completing the free confidential Demartini Value Determination Process on my website.
Jack Canfield
Founder of the billion-dollar Chicken Soup for the Soul™ publishing empire
Something all children need from the people around them is patience. Children are in a constant state of learning, and learning involves mistakes. Mistakes are a natural part of the learning process. So, if you are ever angry or frustrated with yourself for the mistakes you’ve made in the past, or if you are upset with yourself for not being further along in your life or your career, practice being more patient with yourself.
Achieving your goals often takes longer than you want because most people set deadlines without knowing everything that will be required to achieve them. Years ago, when I led ten-day workshops, I taught everyone to juggle three tennis balls. And I did it because most people would get upset at themselves every time they dropped a ball, which is a lot when you are first learning. In the first few days, people would say, “I can’t do this, it’s too hard – I’m not good at physical things, I’ll never learn to do this. What’s the point of this anyway? What does this have to do with being more successful in life?”
Every time they would drop a ball, they would say “Damn it!” or even worse words. On the third day, I replaced the balls with cubically shaped bean bags that wouldn’t bounce out of their hands
so easily and wouldn’t roll away when they dropped them on the floor, demonstrating the principle of when you start something new, do it in baby steps and make it as easy as possible to be successful. Little successes breed confidence and that new confidence then leads to more success. I also taught them to say “Oh what fun” every time they dropped a ball instead of saying “Damn it” or “I can’t do this” – replacing their negative self-talk with positive self-talk. We also practised repeating the affirmation “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” These are universal principles and practices that work, all children need encouragement in order to thrive in life. They need to know that someone believes in them and thinks they have what it takes to achieve their goals.
